How have I changed for the better? I think the biggest thing that I am finally learning is to let go of negative feelings. I was always one of these people who wanted to fix everybody’s problems or worry myself sick trying to figure out what I could do to help them. If I couldn’t help I would take on the guilt of failure of letting someone down. If people were unkind to me I would get angry and repress the anger and the feeling that somehow, I deserved it. It must be my fault after all people wouldn’t be cruel just for the sake of it. I must have done something and the feeling of inadequacy would be added to my list of faults and shortcomings.
Slowly, over the past couple of years I have come to realize that I can’t be responsible for all my friends and family’s problems. I am not super human, I can’t wave a magic wand and make their problems go away.
The hardest thing that I have realized is there are people out there who will say mean things, treat you with disrespect and hurt you. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think most are mean by nature but I think that they when they hurt, they will strike out and hurt others in the hope that they will feel better. Oddly enough, the person I have to thank for this insight is the one person who has intentionally hurt me the most with words, deeds and actions.
