Dear Friends in Love and Kindness,I’m feeling blue and rather courageous about sharing this act of kindness. It’s not a feel good story about choosing to do something kind for someone, but I’ll tell you anyway, in honor of the fact that sometimes it hurts deeply to open our hearts and extend kindness with the intention of alleviating another person’s suffering.
This past weekend I was in grocery store when a woman asked me for 50 cents towards buying some chicken . She said she was hungry. I didn’t have any cash, but I offered to buy her chicken if she didn’t mind sticking around with me until I finished shopping. She didn’t say anything but started walking beside with me.
She had a very sad demeanor, and I noticed she had a black eye. She shuffled her feet as she walked. She slurred her speech.
(I noticed many judgments rise up within me.)
I kept shopping and began talking to her, asking her if she was ok, as I noticed her eye.
She said she’d had a seizure and hit her head, but that her temporary roommate didn’t call 911 because she woke up. She didn’t know what caused the seizure.
(I noticed my internal reasoning and retelling of her story.)
She watched me place more items in my basket.
(I became aware of where my purse was.)
I asked her if she’d like to get more groceries to go with her chicken. I said I’d buy up to $10 of groceries for her. She just stared vacantly, walked off, coming back with an armful of raw chicken.
She stood there, holding the chicken, looking at me.
I told her I was happy to help her and to put the chicken in my basket.
I picked up some yogurt drinks for my three children.
(I felt aware and almost uneasy about being able to buy the groceries I needed for my own family. I noticed my internal story.)
I asked her if she had children.
Three girls, she said, children that had been taken from her because her mother called Child Protective Services.
(I noticed other shoppers giving her edgy/distrusting looks.)
She asked me if I could imagine my own mother having my children taken away from me, and then asked me why would her mother have done that?
I told her I couldn’t imagine that. I told her that perhaps her mother was worried about her kids’ safety. I asked her if her children were safe with her. She shrugged and shifted her eyes down.
(Again–inside my head–I heard my own version of her story.)
Her speech slurred. She seemed in a slow-motion haze.
We finally got to the checkout. I asked her what needed to change for her situation to improve. She said getting her own place would be good. I told her I hoped it worked out for her.
I paid for her chicken and all of my other groceries.
She didn’t say anything as I handed it to her.
I found myself waiting for her to thank me, but then redirected my thoughts to the reason I was doing this in the first place. It certainly was NOT to be thanked, but to show compassion and to do what I could in this moment, to help her.
I wished her well and left the shop with my grocery cart full, as she used her cell phone to call a friend, perhaps to get a ride.
I got to my car and felt terribly uneasy–quite dreadful–about the whole experience. Deep down I knew the best–and perhaps the only–thing I could have done right now, was to buy her food.
I said a prayer for her and her daughters.
I cried. It didn’t feel good to do this for her, but it truly feels like the only thing I could have done.
It’s interesting to me to consider my inner dialog and judgments, and my hesitancy to share this story. I didn’t let my negative and judgmental inner thoughts change anything except to find a way to more deeply open to her, be a witness to her, to hear her, be beside her when so many others in the store seemed to run from her, and to give her what she said she needed in the moment.
What more could I have done? I wonder.
I wish I could have done more… I wish … I wish …. many blessings for her life.
2135 Reads
- Posted by penny4them
- Mar 21, 2016
- Comments (23)
Readers Comments
kiwicat wrote: Wow, that's really interesting. I struggle too with my own internal dialogue, especially about judging people's circumstances. I also too wonder, have I just given something to someone 'rich' who doesn't need it? I think you did the right thing buying her what she needed and talking to her like she was a person who matters in the world, despite everything that has happened around her. Who knows? you could be a turning point in her life. Thank you for inspiring us all to be better people x
splain wrote: I have also felt like you. We don't want to judge others but it creeps into your mind. Remember there is nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable around another person. You helped even feeling this way. So many people would just ignore her. The same happened when I was at the checkout. The family in front of me had had a few items and couldn't add up the coins they had to make $14. so the mum kept the cigarettes and took away the milk and bread. Sure I felt judgmental until I felt great sorrow for her not being even able to add up her money. I wish to this day that I had paid for all of it. But at the time I didn't feel comfortable doing it. You were so great in helping this woman. You did well
info66 wrote: Sounds like she has a tough life.. You made it a bit brighter, not sure if she noticed. Good wake up call for us all.. May she somehow find a paradigm shift that she too deserves better, that she is worthy of a good and happy life.. It might sound harsh, but i had to learn not to dwell on such, it would drain my energy. I cannot change her life or her circumstances..
Christine88 wrote: You did a wonderful caring thing. God Bless You
pyronik wrote: What a story (I'm left hoping she has access to a cooker for the chicken). Good for you for your kindness & for treating her as a worthy person.
mindyjourney wrote: My friend, there are many situations in life that present, and we learn from them all, if we have the heart/eyes to see. For that moment when your lives connected, you truly listened and encouraged. All the problems of the world are not ours to fix. We do the best we can when we can. Blessings of knowing, my friend, that you are more than enough <3. thank you.
kjoyw wrote: Well done! Our minds will often do that when we don't have all the information. Best just to let our hearts take over and go where they lead us. And that's what you did! Your kind heart led you to help this woman, irregardless of her circumstances. That is true kindness.
noush wrote: Friend, U were kind to her . Still there are infinite occasions awaiting you to care n give . Since you have initiated kindness act , nothing can diminish your worthy acts. More life to you !
pluto178 wrote: You had me hooked the moment you said.....(I noticed many judgments rise up within me............. this happens to all of us even when we add but I don't care afterwards it only comes after the judgement.........sometimes we have to make judgements to keep ourselves safe. You did what you could to help this woman.........I wish she had gone to the hospital because the seizure could have been lack of drink or drugs and whilst that sounds like another judgement its true to say it can bring on seizures so she needs help. The sort you are not necessarily equipped to deal with. Always help as you did but unless your particularly strong never overstep the mark and take them home with you. Such intensity of though it did make me laugh when I saw pyronik say I hope she has a cooker.............a little laughter has lightened my thoughts but you did well.......and just enough to help. Well done and mostly for your honesty about judgements its a good one to think about and you have given us all the chance to do that. x
brindlegirl wrote: You did so much. So much. And much more than most would. You helped her. You loved her. And that is enough. The love you gave meant more than any chicken or food could ever xox
