I did a HUGE kindness to me tonight. And this one, for me personally, is HUGE!
I gave myself a gift..jpg)
I called in to work. A job I love. A job I have never resented going to or called in "sick" too. A job I adore. That job. Well tonight, 20 minutes before my shift was due to begin, I called in to say that I wasn't able to do my shift.
Actually I was way more upfront and honest than this. I explained I wasn't "sick" and was quite perfectly able to do my shift physically, but that right now, I wasn't in a good state emotionally. Huge.
Huge because I never admit this. Huge because I was extremely vulnerable and honest. And huge because even when I did call I knew I was taking a huge risk. They could say no its not ok and I'd have to show up even more vulnerable after admitting what a mess I was.
I am so grateful and proud of me tonight for doing this. Because so much shame and guilt can be attached to this. Yet for me, tonight, it was the right thing to do. I couldn't face people. I couldn't put on my happy face. I needed to cry. I needed to be alone. So I was and did just that, cry.
I feel better now. So much better. I've released lots of pain that was so obviously sitting within me. And had I not 'put myself out there' and faced a possible "no" from work, or worse 'lied' and said I was sick, then I wouldn't have been able to release all that yuck. I'd still be carrying it in me.
I'm ok now and you're probably wondering, "What is it? Are you ok? Why so upset?"
Honestly I couldn't tell you. There was no 'reason,' just intense emotion. So intense from deep within. I know deep in my heart that this was pain that needed to be released.
So through the pain and tears alone on my bedroom floor, I sobbed. And that there is the kind of healing I do and go through. It's why I'm the way I am. It's why I can be so real, so honest, so happy, and so free. Because I release it. And because I give myself permission to cry and feel.
And tonight I did just that. I didn't stifle it on down, put on my happy face and show up to work. No I gave a huge kindness to me and allowed it to be felt. I felt it all.
And I'm sharing tonight in case this in some way helps you. Or helps you give yourself permission to feel, cry, or release in whatever way you need to. Because when you do, the rewards are always far greater than any of the pain. â¤
I gave myself a gift.
I called in to work. A job I love. A job I have never resented going to or called in "sick" too. A job I adore. That job. Well tonight, 20 minutes before my shift was due to begin, I called in to say that I wasn't able to do my shift.
Actually I was way more upfront and honest than this. I explained I wasn't "sick" and was quite perfectly able to do my shift physically, but that right now, I wasn't in a good state emotionally. Huge.
Huge because I never admit this. Huge because I was extremely vulnerable and honest. And huge because even when I did call I knew I was taking a huge risk. They could say no its not ok and I'd have to show up even more vulnerable after admitting what a mess I was.
I am so grateful and proud of me tonight for doing this. Because so much shame and guilt can be attached to this. Yet for me, tonight, it was the right thing to do. I couldn't face people. I couldn't put on my happy face. I needed to cry. I needed to be alone. So I was and did just that, cry.
I feel better now. So much better. I've released lots of pain that was so obviously sitting within me. And had I not 'put myself out there' and faced a possible "no" from work, or worse 'lied' and said I was sick, then I wouldn't have been able to release all that yuck. I'd still be carrying it in me.
I'm ok now and you're probably wondering, "What is it? Are you ok? Why so upset?"
Honestly I couldn't tell you. There was no 'reason,' just intense emotion. So intense from deep within. I know deep in my heart that this was pain that needed to be released.
So through the pain and tears alone on my bedroom floor, I sobbed. And that there is the kind of healing I do and go through. It's why I'm the way I am. It's why I can be so real, so honest, so happy, and so free. Because I release it. And because I give myself permission to cry and feel.
And tonight I did just that. I didn't stifle it on down, put on my happy face and show up to work. No I gave a huge kindness to me and allowed it to be felt. I felt it all.
And I'm sharing tonight in case this in some way helps you. Or helps you give yourself permission to feel, cry, or release in whatever way you need to. Because when you do, the rewards are always far greater than any of the pain. â¤
2353 Reads
- Posted by brindlegirl
- Sep 24, 2016
- Comments (17)
Readers Comments
patjos wrote: Thanks so much for sharing your teaching about self-compassion. It is so very needful.
melnotes wrote: I so admire you and your courage to do what was right for you in this moment, understand also that releasing of emotions and deep pain within. So glad you gave yourself this time, thank you for sharing xxx
AndiCas wrote: I have huge admiration for your bravery in telling your truth, and kudos to your employers for their role in allowing you to heal yourself as you know how.
splain wrote: It is so hard to acknowledge that you are in so much pain. A great step forward in telling work that you just couldn't come in because of how you were emotionally. very brave of you. You have yourself a great gift of putting yourself first. A beautiful and honest share
mish wrote: Sensitive hearts need times of release . I know I do. Glad you respected your inner urge and were able to do this. Big hug for this. 😘😘😘
mindyjourney wrote: to be honest and face the release is so very essential in healing, my friend <3. thank you for doing and give yourself a lovely look in the mirror, right into eyes...you will see your beautiful soul looking back at you :)))))))))).
John74 wrote: That is very beautiful! Thank you for your sharing and thank you for being you! Big Hugs! XXXXXX.
lt33 wrote: Wow you were so brave to be honest with your work so glad they understood most jobs wouldn't glad you were able to reconnect with yourself and have a good cry there's days I feel like that too wake up and think something's off today and I don't even know why but those days we just have to be kind to ourselves hugs 🙌🙌
debmeron wrote: wow... what a kindness to yourself... inspiring... we all need to do that sometimes...
kjoyw wrote: So well done! Really glad to admit to your feelings and not shove them aside and were honest about them. Some of my biggest healings have come after such times as you describe. You feel that so much pressure has been lifted amd you are so much more at peace. Blessings.
