Doubling the Gifting

--by pkiracofe, posted Nov 27, 2010

Having experienced the joys of giving small gifts to others through regular random acts of kindness, I have increasingly questioned whether I was truly being generous or whether I was seeking ego-gratification or some sort of karmic credit to justify living an otherwise ordinary life. To test this concept, I asked myself if I would be just as generous if the acts were truly anonymous, and I would receive no credit.

In seeking out those opportunities, an even more interesting challenge arose - providing random strangers with the opportunity to gift acts of kindness.

The first experience was as a restaurant in Times Square with a pre-fixe lunch that included dessert. I did not want any dessert, so I asked the waiter to find another customer and tell the customer that he was offering a free dessert as a random act of kindness. I specifically made sure he did not mention me or the circumstances, as I wanted him to receive full credit (after all, he could have simply eaten the dessert himself). We got to see him make the offer to a group that looked like tourists, who were clearly shocked, and the smile on his face afterward was priceless. We left a generous tip and departed.

The second experience was at an airport in Minneapolis. I was traveling with my girlfriend, and we had been delayed on two separate flights, which had led to significant scrambling and inconvenience. The airline gave us two $20 food vouchers, but we had already bought food as we ran through the airport trying to make the connection. We decided to enjoy a bottle of wine during our four-hour delay, only to discover that the vouchers could not be used for wine. So switching into generosity mode, we asked the waitress to find some other customers and offer them the vouchers, without mentioning who the vouchers came from. She came back so inspired by the experience that she wanted to give us complementary glasses of wine. We promptly invited her to gift those as well, and departed for our flight!

Sadly, I can not report that I have found a way to *not* feel gratified about these acts, so perhaps I am still acting with selfish motivations. That said, it is interesting to see that the act of giving is a gift in and of itself, and by adding a "surrogate giver" into the chain, the resulting good feelings have effectively doubled with no additional "costs" - not a bad ROI.

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Posted by pkiracofe
Nov 27, 2010
Comments (22)

Readers Comments

sonrisa wrote: What a great experiment and wonderful to hear your insights! Loved your conclusion :) "It is interesting to see that the act of giving is a gift in and of itself, and by adding a 'surrogate giver' into the chain, the resulting 'good feelings' have been effectively doubled with no additional 'costs' - not a bad ROI." :)

Sydney wrote: This reminds me of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Wonderful that you also included someone else in the joy of giving :)

birju wrote: i LOVE this! and it inspires me to think of how i can include more of this in my life. thank you :)

iferlamb wrote: Please do not question your motives. Enjoy the beauty of helping others. It is not selfish it is selfless which brings us joy. Here is an outtake from an article "10 things science says will make you happy" - "10) Give it away, Give it away now! - Make altuism and giving part of your life, and be purposeful about it. Researcher Stephen Post says helping a neighbor, volunteering, or donating goods and services results in a "helper's high", and you get more health benefits than you would from excersise or quitting smoking. Listening to a friend, passing on your skills, celebrating others; successes, and forgiveness also contribute to happiness, he says. Researcher Elizabeth Dunn found that those who spend money on others reported much greater happiness than those who spend it on themselves."
Your motives are pure. Enjoy the JOY it gives you!!!
smiles...

unknown wrote: hey cofe, let's go frame by frame :) I like this sleuthing business. 1. You could have felt very immensely self-driven and advertised yourself. You didn't ... 2. You showed the benefit of doubt as to whether you were altruistic or egotistic ... These two already show your success :) as more than an egotist ... in my opinion. Now, what I practice and like to share is ... there are folks whom I can't get along very well and there are some who cannot get along well. So, what I can do is to ignore them and walk by choosing another soul to connect to. But I for some reason decide to offer a small prayer and volubly share my life as if nothing happened and try my best to be polite and apologetic. And try to stay in this mode for as long as I can. I don't succeed turning tables around, but at the end of it all, I feel better for having tried to be the light amidst the darkness ... even if my fuel meant meager for someone else :p Now you may ask me if I am an egoist, I know with my small brain, the answer is I don't know :) and all I do know is giving is cool for me too :) So, have fun with who you are, I like it, see ... these guys all like it :):)

PaddyD wrote: I agree fully with the feeling of motive and often feel as you do that I am doing it for self gratification, but is that a bad thing? To do good is to do good and if you feel good about it and feel rewarded by that then why would that be a bad thing?
But what a fantastic idea to have a proxy good will person, I love it :) and to make it such a fun event and get the buzz from it is awesome.
You know what I like also about this story is that your girlfriend is part of it and that must be a great partnership to go through an airport and share that experience.
Enjoy the game and keep us informed please

Bluebell wrote: I must say I loved the part you say "I am still acting with selfish motivations" that it's clearly your ego talking :-) . Let's suppose you could have the hability of seeing what you have done like in a movie but no sound, how would you know what was behind that act of kindness? All you would see would be the act of kindness and that is what truly matters. Keep on spreading your kindness and send your ego on holidays :-) Love and Light and a Thousand Smiles, Bluebell

pkiracofe wrote: Thank you all for your insights and wisdom. And Bluebell, the visual analogy of the silent movie resonates solidly. It reminds me that even when we think we know our motives, we can't really be certain. At the end of the day, its all about having the best intentions. And in that respect, I am confident my intentions are in the right direction.

MakeSomeoneSmile wrote: Those are great acts of kindness! There is nothing wrong for feeling good when you give. Being anonymous takes away any selfish aspect. Keep up the great work!

givelove wrote: Helping others will never not feel good! I like the Emerson quote Sydney posted-- so true. Some people try to twist the motivations of people who do nice things for others into something selfish. But the fact that we can't do something kind for someone else without feeling the benefits ourselves just proves that we are all interconnected-- what is good for one is good for all. I think it is so cool (and brave!) that you challenged yourself and your motivations. I hope it only makes you stronger in your kindness journey.

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