Stories of Kindness from Around the World

The Veteran Who Just Wanted To Be Seen


--by marc, posted Mar 15, 2012

This happened about four or five years ago. I had been involved in "Non Violent Communication" for a couple of years. I was struggling as I still do with finding a natural and seamless way of connecting with people through compassion and empathy in everyday encounters; trying not to assume I know what someone needs but being willing to ask. 

Walking through the lobby of an office building in San Francisco I could hear a man screaming and shouting obscenities. He was so loud his voice penetrated the sounds of mid-day traffic and the double glass doors leading to the street.  
 
Heading through those doors I saw a double amputee hunched over on one of those little rolling platforms auto mechanics sometimes use to scoot under cars. He was gesturing erratically at pedestrians as they approached and yelling profanities as they veered as far away from him as they could get while still staying on the sidewalk.
 
“I fought in Nam!" he yelled. "I lost my legs In Nam! Why can’t you help me?”
 
Trying to avoid him I hugged the building and tried to melt into the crowd, hoping he wouldn’t notice me. I don’t know if his volume actually rose or it was just my imagination but his words surrounded me. With every step they seemed louder.
 
"I lost my legs In Nam! Why can’t you help me?” he roared (with added expletives!)
 
Two more steps and I’d be at the corner and out of range. Then something shifted in me and, to my surprise. instead of making my escape I stopped, turned and walked back towards him. Crouching down I put a few bucks in his cup and asked him if he just wanted someone to stop and listen to him.
 
"Don’t you think I at least deserve that?" he shouted. "I went to Nam!" There was a pause as he caught his breath. "I was a kid. I came home with no legs! And they won’t even look me in the eye!" He paused again as he struggled to get the words out. "... I did it for them ..."
 
Looking into his gnarled, dirt-stained, unshaven face I guessed he was just a few years younger than me. I imagined our shared experiences as black youngsters growing up in the fifties and sixties. Had he, like me, shivered with fear when Emmet Till was killed in Mississippi? Was he also anxious when Ruby Bridges was escorted into that schoolhouse in New Orleans. Had he cried when John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and Robert Kennedy were assassinated?  
 
I was also aware of our differences highlighted by his ragged clothes and his paper cup for spare change. 
 
I asked if he just wanted to be seen and heard after all he had come through. His voice dropped and he nodded and whispered, “Yes ... yes." 
 
With a calm steady gaze he looked me in the eyes as tears spilled over his wizened cheeks. He clasped my hands in his.  
 
Spare change would help but simply being seen and heard can be what some of us long for most of all.

 

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Readers Comments

ImGrateful wrote: How difficult it is for all of us to remember that every human on this earth truly just wants to be valuable enough to feel the warmth and touch of love, extended from the hearts of others. I will try very hard to "see" everyone i encounter today and knowingly send them my love.
tiffany :) wrote: Wow, powerful story with a powerful lesson. Thanks for having the courage to see & hear him and for sharing your story.
sevaopp wrote: Don't we all just want to be seen and heard?

I'm sure he'll be grateful for your ear much more than the few bucks.

Bravo!
Baxter wrote: What courage you had to not follow the rest of the crowd and avoid that poor man. I'm sure he still thinks about you and thanks you every day. Bless you.
trionafaye wrote: Bless this man for all that he had traveled through and bless you for taking the time to reach out to him to validate in his frustration.
thaata wrote: Time is sparce in this mad world where you can find abundance of wealth but a few minutes for the sad soul is lacking. God bless you both.
khillcrest68 wrote: T his story is deeper than words can express. How many people would stop in public to listen to a homeless person, worse a homeless person with no legs? Oh no we are too good for that. You think? That could be us or one of our kids or spouse. Things happen for a reason. Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.
Alex wrote: When we find ourselves obliterated by tragic, unforseen circumstances, we begin to take stock in the little things. It's a cliche i know, but. Do something kind (at least) once a day. "pay it forward". It is truly amazing how much little things mean to people whether they thank you or not. Thank you for your posts, they certainly helped me.
Sundi wrote: You just taught me a great lesson. Thank you thank you. And bless you for being who you are and realizing what this man needed. How man of us would have done what you did?
Carmel wrote: A sunday morning blessing as i read this story. I so often forget about viet nam, even tho i was at the age when all this was going on! I just read an amazing book that has changed my life: the rainbow bridge, bridge to inner peace and world peace, by brent hunter. This should be a must in our book collection! Brings awareness to the way we here think!

Blessings and love, carmel

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