A Quiet Lesson from Steve

--by Lindteggs, posted Oct 21, 2012

A few weeks ago, our dog, who we've had for more than a decade, had to be put down.

First, a tumour on her pancreas exploded, and she had to have emergency surgery. Then, the arthritis in her back got so bad that sometimes she would lie down in the middle of a walk and refuse to take another step.

When I first found out, I was devestated. She was more like a sister to me than a pet. But if I'm honest, I was also angry at my stepfather, Steve, who informed us that she had been put down a week after it happened. He waited because he didn't want to worry us, and he didn't want me to get distracted and fail my exams. We thought she was still being treated at the veterinarian.

I think you can imagine all the thoughts that went through my head:

She's my dog too!
Why didn't he tell us earlier?
I didn't even get to say goodbye.
And so on and so forth.

People in my family have a habit of keeping things from me to protect me, such as only telling me that my Aunty had cancer after she had already had her operation and signs of improved health.

All I could think was: Not again!

I turned to my Mum, who said, "I know, I'm angry too."

I opened my mouth to let forth a huge rant-- and then she added, "I'm so angry with Steve, that he had to go through all that on his own."

I shut my mouth.

I had been so focused on myself, I hadn't stopped to think about what Steve was going through. That dog was his baby, he'd had her for longer than he'd had us--and he had to make the decision to end her life, then mourn in silence for an entire week. All my anger melted away, and all I felt was remorse.

It made me think--how often do we focus so much on ourselves, that we ignore the pain of others?

In that moment, my mum's perspective was an incredible gift that I'll never forget.

3013 Reads

Posted by Lindteggs
Oct 21, 2012
Comments (12)

Readers Comments

Thaata wrote: Ho is really helping us all in realizing our role in this world and understanding others better. Thanks for understanding the feelings of steve. As for not informing you, sometimes an understanding heart is better than enforcing of rules and rights.

jsmc10 wrote: I'm so very sorry about your dog, i can't imagine what you're all going through, yes, it can be hard to see it from other peoples perspectives when you are hurt, stay strong <3

annjav wrote: It truly is a sad day for everyone in the family when our pets have to leave us. Good for you in seeing that it was harder for steve than for anyone. Sometimes we can grow up a lot in a very short time.

ann wrote: Im sorry for your loss but im not sure that witholding information to protect us is the best idea. This happened to me in mymid 20's when i was living on the other side of the world and my grandmother had cancer and i wasnt told until i received a telegram from my family saying they had buried her the previous week. They did this to protect me but they took away my right to know and to make any decision about calling, writing or flying over to see her. She had been sick for almost 6 months. It took me along time to get over as my gran was my closest friend and the fact her letters had stopped, i put down to her getting old.

yaya wrote: I am sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. Your courage to let go is an inspiration. Many blessings to you and yours

Mish wrote: We never forget them but time lessens the pain and the good memories remain in our heart. Give yourself time to heal.

JustB wrote: Thank so much for this reminder. I needed to hear this.

Viviane wrote: Thank you for sharing your story. Your mom seems to be as great a teacher as you are a learner. I wish you the best.

diane wrote: I am sorry for your loss. But, i think it would have been better if your family had been more respectful of your needs, feelings and wants, and talked to you about any decisions made to put the dog down prior to having the dog put down. My family has done this type of non-communication for years, and it does not work at all for me. I clearly understand you feeling angry. It is good to see the other side of the coin (as you did), but, your rights were not honored in this situation at all.

moral12 wrote: It was very mature of you to put your loss into another perspective, thanks to your mother's comment about your stepfather "going through that on his own". Having been the one somehow designated (no, I did NOT volunteer) to have our elderly dogs put to sleep from time-to-time, I can concur with your mother: it is NEVER easy to take a beloved pet (who is really a family member) to be euthanized, no matter how sick they are. I am getting teary even as I type this, remembering our pets who have passed away. So, many kudos to you for having the maturity to see through your pain at losing the pet and having sympathy for your stepdad for his loss. My condolences on the loss of your dog, too.

Stories of Kindness from Around the World