Stories of Kindness from Around the World

I moved into my current home when I separated from my husband. This was the first time in my life - at the age of 41. I rarely used the dining room, living room, spare bedroom/office and basement. I heat and cool these spaces. I pay for the square footage. And my house is considered SMALL! I would often entertain the idea of putting the space to use - by taking in foster kids… but I work a lot and travel for work often — not really conducive to single parenthood.  I could take in people fleeing intimate partner violence… but I work a lot and travel for work often - not really conducive to be awoken in the middle of the night or to be a consistent and reliable place for people to “land.” So I continued to struggle with this question. I also have (wait for it) 6 pets - 4 dogs and 2 cats - and so, though I had often thought about moving into a studio apartment, this idea was not feasible with having so many animals with whom I share space.

In March 2014, I met Maoti. Over the first few months of knowing each other, we would sometimes share aspects of our lives, personalities and values that aligned around the concept of creating family and community. For two weeks in August, I was leaving town and had asked Maoti to watch my four dogs and 2 cats. A few weeks before I left town, he told me he had “adopted” a 19 year old named Chico, who was homeless. He had invited Chico to come stay at the 2 bedroom apartment he shared with his brother (who was out of town for the Summer) in a suburb of DC. His brother was not entirely supportive of this move, and by the time I was getting ready to leave for my trip, conflict has erupted between Maoti and his brother. I told Maoti that it would be fine for Chico to come stay with him while I was away - and that if the situation worked, they could stay as long as it continued to work…

I had also seen this great video about Casa De Paz in Oakland, CA. I was very moved. While I was away for those two weeks, I met Pancho of Casa De Paz through my friend and sister, Arathi, who had invited me to an Awakin meditation circle in San Jose, CA. This was not a coincidence.

Chico has other friends who are also homeless. They are all in their 20s, have odd jobs that do not pay much, and spend most of their free time skateboarding around DC and in the Shaw Skate Park in the Shaw neighborhood of DC. This group of young men call themselves the Wolfe Pack. They are incredibly loyal to each other. Chico often cooks for them all. When he gets some money - no matter how little - he buys them all food. They look out for, protect, and fight for each other. Sometimes the fight erupts into anger and even violence (or threats of violence). They act out the dominant story of masculinity and what it means to be a man in ways that are not entirely healthy or helpful. However, there is a light within each of them. Kindness I cannot ignore.

Chico asked if these guys could stay at the house. Of course, I replied. There is a core group of 3 guys who stay regularly - but not every night. I am not sure where they are when they are not at home. There are others who only come for 1 or 2 nights. Again, I am not sure why. I have learned some of their stories - and they have not lived easy or trouble-free lives. I have spent the past 20+ years working on issues of intimate partner and sexual violence. I suspect that at least some of these young men have been involved in interpersonal violence in some way. Some of told me outright that they have. With others, I have just caught wind of their histories. I am a lawyer and I have offered my help to those who have criminal issues pending. Some have come to ask me for advice. Others say they want to and will.

These guys have become a family to me. Maoti is my partner in this experiment, and I could not do it without him. For about a month, Chico’s girlfriend, Erika, came and stayed with us. Erika and Chico would argue - sometimes loudly. Other times it sounded like they might hit or push each other. I told them they could not do that in my home. That they could not act or speak to each other violently. So they stopped. I talked to each of them about making choices - and that we all have choices to respond with violence or not. One night, Maoti and I were yelling at each other. Erika called up the stairs to say that she was not trying to “bust on” us, but that they did not like it when we yell at each other either. She was so right.

With this created family I am learning so much - about kindness, generosity, establishing and enforcing boundaries. It can be hard work. And we sometimes get angry at each other. But the rewards have been tremendous. My family of origin is very small - my brother and his wife and 2 kids, some cousins I rarely see or talk to (about 1-2 times per year) and aunts and uncles who I see or talk to even less frequently. My parents are both dead. My marriage ended and so I lost all the in-law family. I felt very alone for years. I tried to really feel the family I have created my whole life with my girlfriends, but I wanted a family who lives with me. I now have that again, and I am so grateful.