Holding My Mom's Hand

--by sanserif, posted Apr 29, 2008

Technically speaking, my Mom is old -- she is in her 70s now. She once used to be a woman full of life and laughter. All of that changed after my Dad passed away about ten years ago. Although they were not what you would call a "lovey dovey" couple, Mom did take his sudden death quite badly. She became a bit of a recluse and more of a worrier. To make matters worse, my brother decided to relocate to another city. Mom decided to stay behind with her sister.

Whenever my Mom comes over to stay with me for some time (I live with my husband and his parents), she always demands constant attention from me. She generally gets nostalgic of the good old times we used to spend together discussing books, cooking, or life in general. Sometimes it turned into a cribbing session. "You never spare time for me anymore" or " I have become useless to everyone" or " You don't care enough for me now". I always used to retort with "Oh, Mom, please don't start all over again" or sometimes rudely remark, "How can you expect me to do the things we used to do together years ago. There is no time for such things anymore." Mom would become silent, probbaly because she had resigned herself to the way things are now. I could sense I had hurt her but there was little I could do, or so I thought at the time.

Then it struck me. I always try to be nice to people at work. I do random acts of kindness for strangers. I sometimes surprise an old friend with a phone call. But what have I done for my Mother? Why is it that I am so reluctant to hold her hands in front of others? Is it because I am embarassed to be labelled as "mama's girl" at my age? Well, I am no longer young myself. Is it because I have taken my Mom for granted because her days are done?

Today was yet another manic day. Mom was about to have her breakfast all alone at the table. She was looking at me with a forlorn look as I was going about doing my own thing, getting ready for work. I had so many things on my mind -- the impending deadline at work, an appointment with my gynecologist, the trip to the tailors, what to cook for dinner.....

Then, all of sudden, I stopped myself. Everything else can wait. I pulled up a chair and sat next to my Mom. I gave her a hug. Told her how much I love her. And I promised to pick something up for her on the way back from work. Mom couldn't believe what she saw. She told me she doesn't need anything but just wanted to "feel my touch". It was a nice cold morning today. But when I stepped out for work, I wonder which of the two of us felt warmer.

5309 Reads

Posted by sanserif
Apr 29, 2008
Comments (36)

Readers Comments

ramyakrishna wrote: THANK U 4 SHARING.It made me think.when we are kids,mothers don't even leave us alone 4 an minute.But they become older,they wait for that one minute to spend with us:-)

JingYuan wrote: Your story is very real and touching and reflects the truth. As a 13 years old I have a splendid relationship with my dad, but only good with my mom. We are close in things like shopping, gossip, chatting, but I seldom feel truly closed to her as a mom. Since she is a tiny, naive, emotional and somewhat reserved lady, I often feel that I need to take care of her more than the reverse way. I think I am not trying hard enough to fix it. Some night I would go to bed feeling guilty, and might fly down stairs and want to throw her a kiss, but she doesn't understand and often chase me away. I don't even know what to do.

JingYuan wrote: Sometimes we don't realize how precious it is to have someone who love you when they're around, but only realized that when they're not around or never could be. When me and my parents leave my country to immigrant to Canada I didn't think much of my grandparents. And when I finally realize it one of my grandfather passed away before I could come back and visit him.
I always feel so sad when I think about it. Not mainly because he pass away, all human do eventually. But because I didn't show my best to him, and I didn't show him how much I love him. But now it's all too late.

Randomact wrote: We only have one MUM , mine is 80 and I do as much as I can for her she has had six children and worked hard all her life for us....... Now she needs our Love and time
My sisters and 1 brother(in Portugal) never give her much of their time but my daughter and I help her so much, remember when she is gone you will miss her, Mum had the time for us when we were younger now we must make the time for them................x

princessliz wrote: I really love this story, I shared it also. Thanks for posting.

bluxess wrote: We often wait for others to take the first step ... I am sure this must have not only made that day, but the days and years to come ... Thanks for being a lovely daughter ... Immense Blessings, Bluxess.

unknown wrote: I love your story about your Mom and all the posts after it that reflect similar situations, just different details. I am guilty of providing for my mother's physical needs as her caregiver, but am usually so tired at the end of the day that I am just glad to get her into bed and me to fall into bed exhausted. But what does a hug take? 10 seconds? will that ten seconds make me less tired? or will it make my mother happier? Thank you all for the reminder that the needs of the elderly are NOT just physical, but emotional too. They just want not to be forgotten. I told my mother the other day that the thing I appreciated most from her upbringing of me was that she taught me to be thrifty, and to pay with things in cash, so I don't go into debt. She was SO happy to hear that, it was like I had told her I thought she was beautiful. I secretly wish my son would tell me what he loves about me, but he doesn't. Maybe I need to tell my mother what I love about her, to put it out into the universe as an act of kindness to my 92 year old mother. Thank you sanserif for this wonderful post, and thanks to all of you who responded accordingly, for each of your insights were valuable.

RMB333 wrote: I am sure, it wold have been THE best day ever...you would have had! MOMs & DADs ARE the best friends in our life. THEIR love is priceless! Millions of Thanks for sharing your story with all of us... Glad you started to show your love to your MOM, ...know that you will continue for ever! UNTOLD BLESSINGS WILL FOLLOW YOU ALWAYS!

magsue wrote: What a great day for you to start work. It makes me think if I have neglected my mom sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

annapop wrote: I wish I could spend a whole day with my dear mom, she is on the otherside now. We were very close and I always showed her how much I loved her. I am new to this site and just read this, it's beautiful. I'm so excited about being a part of this movement.

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